i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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