remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
