There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
My ass is underappreciated
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
