its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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