just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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