Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
