Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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