you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
