Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
