You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
