Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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