i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
