I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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