The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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