please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
