just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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