Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
