If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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