Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
