He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
