either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
