where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
