So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
