mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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