sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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