If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
