I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Randomize
