ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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