he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
