Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
