Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
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If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
So apparently I’m into choking now
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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