fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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