I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
