She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Just pee around me
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
