how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
