BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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