I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You need Xanax blowdarts
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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