I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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