you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
