was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
