mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm getting married
To pizza
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
