So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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