You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
