I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
The Olympian is in my bed
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize