I puked a lego.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
