i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
