She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
