Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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