I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
