How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
This is the high leading the old right now
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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