Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
