1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
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i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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