rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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