I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
