I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
