this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
