The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
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