how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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