The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
