someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
‎"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
