I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Randomize