so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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