That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
