He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
