I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
