am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm getting married
To pizza
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Randomize
